On a day at rest, the things a girl can think of!
Coming home last week from the MS clinic in Calgary after being told that STRESS is now my problem was a huge pill to swallow. I’ve always loved to exercise its just been over the last couple of years that I get disheartened. I fight back, get kicked down again, not realizing that it has been compounding stress this entire time. Now with this knowledge in hand I’m going to continue to push past my comfort zone, no matter what happens. Back in 2014 when we moved up here it was the stress of the move that kicked the crap out of me, hindsight being 20/20 of course. Now this last attack I had would be of the financial nature. The upside of finding this information now is that I can go forth worth the new knowledge that once I start to get this dealt with I may stop having these fall backs.
I’m being set up with a psychiatrist in Calgary now to hopefully help me deal with what they’re thinking is PTSD. When we were in seeing my doctor he was fairly hard pressed to think my issues were anything more than stress related. When we were talking or crying, I guess is more what I was doing. Matter of fact the more I talked the worse I cried. This was when the discussion started to turn towards PTSD. His immediate comment to me was “I’ve read your book, remember?” I simply nodded through my tears. It’s seeming like compounding stress is as bad as compounding interest on debt. As things sit I wait for appointments to be booked.
Looking back to the 2 days prior to my car crash back in two thousand and five was the start of my midlife trauma, I had plenty from being born into a home with a extremely ill father but I don’t think that really had too much effect, lol the doctors may think differently but I’m not a doctor. My shit really started the day I got the call that my Dads uncle passed away. The day I got that call and heard the loss in his voice when he tried to speak to me on the phone. I don’t think I had ever heard that deep sadness out of him ever in my life. It was at this time that I was sitting in Tucson, Az and knew I had to get home for his funeral and to be there for my dad. My great-uncle was the closest person my dad had to a father figure as he had last his dad at a very early age. I basically drove home in two days from the Mexican border to Calgary trying to make it. The funeral was on a Thursday afternoon and I was held up at the border and was a few hours too late. I had barely slept on my trip home, I had a speeding ticket, and a log book violation on my way home so as it turns out I was well past spent by the time I arrived. I parked my unit at the yard hopped in my little truck knowing that I would go out home the next day and went home to bed. It was about 6 hours later that my life would take the worst turn I ever thought possible. I was then hit by the drunk driver that would change my future and my families future forever. Sadly this was all just the start of what was going to lead into where I am now.
TRAUMA ME!!! HAHA REALLY!!
I start from here knowing that the help is out there. I have many people reaching out to help me though this, I know that I am not alone anymore today than I have ever been. It will be wonderful to have this help because the sooner I get this one more thing dealt with the farther and faster I can have one more thing added to my arsenal for my public speaking career. I sure am glad this is all a process though, as I really think I have an awful lot of hidden pain inside me. The only reason I think this is, that it took me two days to stop crying. I’m grateful for the help that I will be getting. All this will be a day by day process but I love work.
The title of this was stress and exercise and I tell you the second best thing beyond therapy will be exercise simply because the stronger I get physically the stronger I get mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I don’t really like putting all these things together as a lot of these can function without the others in full action but having them work together makes the process smoother. The harder I work at all of them hopefully I will start to balance out.
Love and hugs Fiona