My new life take 3, made me giggle that’s why it’s the title…
I have started fresh again.. It has been one month since getting out of the hospital after a full body paralysis yet again.
Last week I was sent to a psychologist with people thinking I was suffering with PTSD. I am now under the understanding that I most likely do not have PTSD I simply get myself a bit too stressed at times and find myself falling into a place where my body simply says I am tired and need a break. The psychologist sat at the table looking at me and listening to what I had to share and was doing a mental check list of all the things I already do to help myself cope. She was trying to figure out how to help me and said that there was a program on this coming Friday that would assist me a bit, she sill also see me a couple more times past this too. Amazingly with all that happens in my life it seems I am actually fairly good at getting though it. It is though that with all I do and how I have learned so well to cope comes from being born into trauma. My family was already well into the crazy life that my fathers illnesses had brought forth (no fault of his own), situations are what they are. As things turned out at the psychologists office I’m quite amazing as I am.
I started this day on my machine, I did this because I am at a place where I am needing to show the world who I am and what I am capable of. Looking back to a month ago and how far I have come in this short time is a lot of muscle memory. Muscle memory was something I spoke of at the office with the doctor. It is when I get stressed and my body gets tired the normal place my body goes to is in its memory which as it turns out is full paralysis. I was thinking that I was loosing it when I spoke this way until I had someone confirm it for me that muscle memory will go both ways. When I find myself with an infection my body reverts to what it knows and when I am on the mend it also reverts to what it knows. The down side to this is that the falling backwards seems by far easier than the fight back. This little machine is quite a workout, it does everything I need it to and more. Everytime I fight my way back to wellness this is a stepping stone.
I am going to be posting way more ofter simply because to find my people I need to be a regular person shown to the world. I tend to get lost in my life and forget that getting wrapped up in my own life is where the problems start. I have a few other great ideas that I have already started on but I have not yet cut them loose to you yet. Once things start to make a bit more sense to me and I get them packaged up correctly I will be posting them up here.
All my love