March 24, 2015

My beautiful family

Woo hoo!!! My Manuscript has been sent in for print. This is a day that I never really expected would come to pass, but here it is. All of the month of April will be me push, push, pushing my book. Marketing has never been my thing, but for the first time in my life I really believe this can and will become something special. I really am uncertain how much to say, so I will leave it here about Fiona’s Fight the book.

This is a great day. I am shocked that I am still standing after the weekend I had in Red Deer and then the days since I have been home haven’t slowed much. I will admit that since the writing and the editing are now finished my stress level has lowered a tad. I think by the end of this Alisha was ready to kill me with all of my changes. It was quite difficult to write of my sobriety without breaking traditions. Funny I have written on here for years now and never had a problem, but when trying to have two of us muddling through things became a bit more complicated. It is all good though or I hope like the dickens I didn’t miss anything, but I think we’re good. I did just put in an order for updated business cards as my old ones have all my info from out home. Plus I can now truly say I am an author. How amazingly fantastic is that?

Some moments during the day I am so excited I can barely stand to stay in my own skin; then other moments where I want to run and hide and never be seen again. The run and hide is basically what I have done most of my life so it is always the easiest thing to do. I ran into a bottle and stayed there for as long as I was able; that was until I hated myself so much I had to find another path. I found recovery and hid in the rooms for quite some time too. Then long haul trucking for the rest of my life until my God found that it was time for me to catch up with myself. I’m in no way saying what happened with my sickness was God’s plan, just that it was time to slow down. I still don’t heed very well to this advice. I am simply home and going as hard as I ever did I’m simply a little slower due to my abilities being less.

This weekend I was so amazed with my abilities. I was nervous going away for the weekend alone, but I pulled it off smashingly. I packed myself up, didn’t forget anything (this is unheard of.) I drove to the city unpacked the car; got into the hotel; checked in and got me and my stuff up to my room all alone!! The conference I was going to was way down the far end of the hotel and I do mean WAY down the hall. I took my walker because I remembered how far it had been last time I was there, but did I really remember? I thought I had , but last time I was in my wheelchair and someone else was with me all weekend, so as it turned out I didn’t really remember, but I sure did find out in a hurry. Mind you the other things I found out last weekend staying at a hotel alone is that handicap accessible is miles from accessible. I already knew this of course, but I haven’t been alone to deal with it since being of the highway. I was having to ask strangers to come to the washroom with me so they could help me out of the bathroom; why? Well because when walking in its easy as you push the door; exiting you need to pull. It is impossible for me to pull when my walker is between me and the door. This sadly was one of the small things; I have a list, but they have already been sent in, in my complaint to the hotel. I am most grateful to be me and never shy to ask for assistance or I would have been in some pretty major pickles. As things turned out it was an amazingly productive weekend; grateful that I got to go and excited for next time.

This past week and coming week are just a really good warm up for all that is to come over the next six to nine months I think I am about to become a very busy gal. I am hoping without hope that my body, mind and spirit will be able to keep up. I am booked to speak in Lacombe on this coming Friday. Then the book launch is in a month (more info soon.) Then in May I have three speaking engagements and book signings. I’m pretty certain it won’t stop there. Like I said I’m so excited, but then just writing about all of it is making me tired; actually doing it all is a scary thing for me. With all that will be coming I will just pray that my body will hold out. With this thought I might as well share that a bit; my body is doing great. I’m doing physiotherapy twice a week now at the hospital in Three Hills. I’m still doing a minimum of 20 minutes a day on my elliptical even on the days I do my physiotherapy. I am down to an amazing 209 pounds now. I started somewhere north of 225. My weight loss has been tremendous, but I do work really hard. This morning was a bit of a shit show; I was up, dressed and on my elliptical at 8 before I realized I need to be in Three Hills at 8:15. Wow you should have seen this little crippled girl move. I went in the close I had on as there was no time to change; so I was a bit chilly. I had on my three-quarter length tights on (that I would never normally wear out in public, I’m still by far to fat to be running around in these.) Any ways it was what it was, I just couldn’t spare the time. I made it into the hospital by 8:22; great time I must say; and I only went 107 all the way there. Then I came home about 9:30 had my breakfast smoothie; made a few calls and out the door I went again. I had an 11 o’clock appointment with my sweet Erica (wellness co-ordinator) It was great to see her and she was impressed with my weight loss. Erica is all about doing it the correct way (which of course I have been.) I have been keeping track of all my calories and all of my exercise. Taking very good care of myself really. I’m always so grateful when I’m able to stay well long enough to actually get a bit stronger. I’m at this point praying to stay this way for longer than a year this time.

I’m thinking this is enough out of me for now, when I have more news of the book I’ll be sure to keep everyone abreast. As for now I’ll write again in a week or so as I have been trying to do. As you can tell I’m a very busy gal these days. Know that I’m thinking of you all; always.

Love and hugs Fiona

March 19, 2014

watching what I'm up too.

 Good day to you all,

 

Hoping everyone has been great; since I’ve been a busy little bee.

My life has been spiralling like crazy, but in a really great way. This coming weekend I have a program function to be at. I will be packing up to go this afternoon so making tomorrows travels less stressful. This I can thank my past trucking career and Kyle for. Honestly Kyle more than trucking simply because I would pack myself up before and always forget something. Since being with Kyle all this time now and him being such a planner things have finally started to wear off on me. This is not to say I’m as good as he is as I am still quite a screw up, but now I am certainly less of one. 

Life has been super busy; the final edit of the book is being finished up today. This doesn’t even seem possible really, but it most certainly is happening. We will start the marketing in April and will be running the entire month. I will be playing around with the site adding stuff and removing some; the excitement is bubbling up inside me like never before. I was never able to believe that I had anything in life great to share with the world; you beautiful people have shown me that this is not true. Without your unending belief in me none of this would be happening. I have all of you to thank in so many ways, and unable to do more than to praise you for sticking with me through the roller coaster of my life.

The beauty of this book is it has allowed me to open up about my life beyond my alcoholism; beyond my car crash; beyond MS. It is my life not just little sections of it. I for a long time believed that I was my job; my family; my friends. I have found out that allowing myself to be me for probably the first time ever that I am ME and everything around me are but extensions. Not the other way around.

It is remarkable to me how my faith grew stronger the sicker I became. I would have thought that a person such as I with the character I have would have gotten angrier; I am uncertain how the opposite happened. No matter the reason; I am grateful. Faith for me has always been a complicated thing. There have been so many aspects of it in my life. I won’t say I have ever been a Christian person; I won’t say I have ever been atheist; I will most certainly say I have been confused. It has taken me years and years sober to figure out what makes me tick this way and for that matter I’m know I couldn’t still put it to paper properly. It is so many little pieces that put me together. I know my mom taught Sunday school at church; but I have no recollection of it. I know I was brought up with clean and wonderful morals. Yes I fell short of those a lot; but that is how I knew I was raised with them. Without knowing right from wrong how does a person know they are doing wrong?

Guilt; you hear people say all the time I feel guilty; the next sentence is some justification for that feeling. I have learned through the years that simply if I am feeling guilty it’s because I have done something wrong that I deserve to feel guilty for. The only way for this girl to not feel guilty is to not live the behaviour; or say that one thing that hurts someone. I often speak without thinking first, it is probably my worst quality. Most people justify my mouth by saying that I’m always honest; this is true; but honesty can also be cruelty. I am happy to say that I have over the years learned to curb my honesty a bit. My mom always used this famous line on me; It was that if I didn’t learn some diplomacy that some day someone would teach me some. I am glad to say that I learned that on my own before that day came.

I am feeling a little high horsey today. I think it just because I am happy; when I get happy I really like to think I know what I am talking about. This is so not true as I need to have paperwork to go to Red Deer for the weekend and I have misplaced it all. Crazy how I can think that all is grand in my world when something as simple as losing a few pieces of paper has the power to send me off the deep end. This thought brings me straight back to that stupid parking lot at the hospital that I wrote of last post. Things are just rolling merrily along then womp side swipe!! All this because of something so simple that my crazy MS mind turns into a catastrophe. The list of what that simply thing is unending. Just the other day in physiotherapy I was not able to do something as correctly as I thought I should have been able to; the tears were instant. I calm myself down and do something different; all right with the world and yes it really does happen that fast.

Life is good; really good actually. Physiotherapy twice a week. Elliptical every morning; weight dropping off by a pound and a half to two pounds a week. I’m making great strides in the strengthening department too. My balance continues to be a battle; that to is coming along very well. I am able to stand on a soft mat with my eyes closed for 30 seconds now; yesterday I actually stepped up on a curb without assistance. Up until now I always go to where the ramp is to go up on a side-walk or use the hood of my cat to lean on. Yesterday I did it hands free and down by my side without the fear that I was going to fall on my head; okay maybe a bit of fear; but I did it any way.

Well this is enough of me rattling off for today. Thinking of you always.

Love and hugs Fiona

Testing

Sweet little Licr

Sweet little Licr

March 14, 2015

IMG_0203


Miss me? Well I have certainly missed you!! Ooh I really have.. It has been such a huge week I don’t really have a clue where to start..

I’m so excited with all that is happening, I’ve had to pinch myself a few times to see if it is real.. My sweet Alisha and I have been two very busy women. Her husband Richard too has become quite an ingenious fella to have around too. We are at the process in the book where we are down to the covers and the final edit.. Everything is happening so fast it doesn’t seem real, like I said before.

Between writing and computer everything I put together my new top of the line printer that came in replace of my old broken one, God I love warranties..

Last Tuesday I went to Calgary to see Dr. Baverstock for my semi-annual bladder Botox; take my word it was due. I knew I was getting close around the 5 month mark. I did have an emotional melt down that day. I have to be grateful that my strength and ability to walk long distances (long for me.) The parkade at the Rocky View Hospital was packed, and I do mean packed. I drove up and down 4 stories 5 times before I found a spot. It wasn’t a handicap either; I was at the far end of the parkade. I walked a VERY long way just to get to the elevator bank, none of this was including the stress level in my head as it took me a half hour of driving in circles to get parked; which in turn meant I was late. I was sobbing when I finally had parked the car. I felt like my world was crashing in on myself. I know all of this is crazy, just my MS head. Everything was great actually, I got in all on my own; no one cared that I was late, as it turned out I wasn’t the first cripple in there that day unhappy about the parking. Ha ha, I love when I get to figure out the good side of a day.

I had been snooping for a set of golf clubs as for when I was so sick before I sold mine. Amazingly I found some on Kijiji for sale in Calgary. I called the number the day before I was heading to Calgary; it was great, they were only $50. I didn’t know how great of a deal I got until I had them in my car; well for that matter until I got them home and Kyle seen them. As it turned out the bag itself was probably $50 plus the is close to a hundred bucks worth of balls in the bag too. What a steal I am telling you. I think the crap at the hospital still sucked but coming home with my new clubs was terrific. Kyle was guessing my $50 set is worth $600. The best part was; we went out on to our front lawn; here is where my life is so great!! We went out and we both hit balls down through our front 2 acres; I hit and made great contact, ha ha still standing to; AMAZING!!I love my life OMG; I love my life.

I’m going now to physiotherapy twice a week; doing great I must say.. Chiropractor when needing to, acupuncturist too. I’m doing a minimum of 20 minutes on my elliptical everyday. Today I went out and waked the dogs a good kilometre or more. Things are moving along quite well with my exercise and weight. I am down to a great 211 pounds, not bad for starting way up around 230. I have been working my ass of literally.. Like I said life is treating me so well. Tonight Kyle came in here beside me while I was typing away; he stuck his head in on my shoulder as asked “you know I love you right?” He was choked up in his voice; guessing this is why hiding his head in my neck. I always get emotional too when he is being all sentimental. He gets that lump in his throat; damn him then so do I. He is a gentle man, he just doesn’t like to show it, if it’s avoidable. I laugh when sometimes the feelings just become overwhelming and over flow which is exactly what happens; always causes my heart to flutter too.

Thank God and the bank for the line of credit. Last week when I was on my way to Calgary I was listening to the radio; out here on the Olds channel they have a local buy and sell; the plays everyday. One Tuesday this man called in and had a 14 foot tandem trailer for sale for only $850, this is a price unheard of for a trailer like this. I immediately called him, I was actually messily scribbling his number on my hand. I then made the call, I asked him a few questions then reach Kyle. Kyle then made whatever decision he made with the man. Last night Kyle called him to see if it was still there; if it was we would come look at it this morning. We came home with our new 14 ft trailer; buying it made me a bit nutty, but I know that it’s actually a money saver. Now we can go out cut our own wood for the wood stoves, instead of having to pay $2000 like last year. Our new trailer just saved us $1000 bucks in one season. I know I’m probably justifying out loud, but we really do need it; and it was a great buy!! Grocery shopping, walking. Wow what a day!! This has been a terrific day lead up to by a terrific week.. I missed you all and hope your week was a great as mine!! I have a terrific picture to put up; I just have to go to the other computer. IMG_0203

Love and hugs Fiona

March 7, 2015

Woo hoo!! The first draft of my book is finished. What an amazing time in my life..  I’m an author!!! I can’t quite believe it’s real, but it is. Lol my paper and ink supply say so. Alisha and I were on the phone together as we printed off the first copies ever.. We did it together what an amazing time in my life. I’m so excited to share it with you when the time comes. Everything and all information for purchase will be placed on here. I’m going to try to get this set up better. Lol ya know a publishished author should have a website set up for her. Te he!! This is really real. I didn’t know if it would ever come to , but here I am. It finally came to fruition, wow..

Yesterday I did 30 minutes on the elliptical. Today only 20, but burned more calories. Today’s a way more difficult program.. Life is beyond great!! I’m down to 213 pounds. I know I was well over 220 when this all started.. I’m so grateful to be doing my weight loss the smart way. I’m slow and steady. A lot of my problem was that I wasn’t eating enough calories. I’ve been forcing myself to try to eat 1500 calories a day, this has been really hard on me. I haven’t pulled it off yet. I seem to ranging from 1150 to 1300.  I’m so excited.. I bought this great scale that weighs my weight, my BMI index, and my water. It’s the coolest thing. I also bought a pulse rate monitor that I wear around my body and a watch that tracks everything.. I’m taking my health seriously, oh so important..

This afternoon I through on my spring jacket and walked down our driveway. It’s a long steep grade. Kyle says it’s all of a 20% grade. Walking down that hill takes every stitch of concentration I have. As a matter of fact when Kyle and I were standing down there he said “that took a lot of concentration hey.” I said “sure did.” It was just now I asked him “how did you know it took all my concentration?” He said “by the look on your face. You never took your eyes off the road, not one time.” Going down way more difficult than coming up, that’s for certain.

Pas you can tell I’ve been a busy gal, but know you’re never far from my heart and mind.

Love and hugs Fiona..