Good morning everyone, okay not so good for everybody. Another of my dear friends received their MS diagnosis yesterday. My heart continues to be mystified by this horrible for some and not so horrible for others. I’m going to have to stop having friends, (joking) it does however cause me to shake my head.
I have known lots of MSer’s, mostly family, plus more that I’ve met within MS circles. Lately though friends dear to my heart. Friends who have been there to hold my hand through all those times I have been in dire need of support. The friends who have been there since the beginning the people who I admire in all ways. My emotions are feeling all out of whack. I seem to be feeling lost for them. One is doing very well with their diagnosis, mind you it has been well over a year now. My friend yesterday is a not anywhere near. It causes me anguish to see such beautiful people going through this emotional wringer. I remember the day I was diagnosed like it was yesterday even with everything that has gone on since. The day you walk out of that office with someone telling you that you have Multiple Sclerosis. The battle of denial and rebounding from the devastating news is different for everyone. I know that my denial of having MS was minimal until they changed my diagnosis to Marburg Variant. It was the change of my diagnosis that my denial started. Then from starting it flew into over drive.
From the denial of the disease for me came great strength to battle it, even when I didn’t really know what it was. I knew I had MS, I knew mine was different from most. With all of this though I knew that I had been raised with grit, as my mother would say. It was time to dig in my heals and fight with all I had, and that as you know is exactly what I did. I will push all I know with my positive attitude, and mostly cheery demeanor to be all they can be. Ha! Ha! I sound like a US army commercial. I will start that right now. I was up bright and early after not getting put to bed until 2 this morning. By the time I was being helped into bed I had been awake for 23 hours; it really is no wonder my movement and ability to stay awake was nonexistent. My peepers opened about six; I got up stoked the fire and back to bed. It was a little over an hour later when I decided to get up. I puttered around for a bit. Swept the floor which I’m thinking now was a silly idea as Kyle just brought in a bunch of wood. Now I’ll have to do the floor again, but that will be later; maybe even tomorrow. I grabbed my yoga mat and off to my room to do some strengthening. I did all my homework from my physiotherapist. There in the back of my brain is that little voice that says you can do it today I know you can. That little voice that whispers to me about running after a month of being out of the hospital and six months of paralyzation; the little voice that says you can jump, I know you can. Well my little voice was at it again this morning. I had finished my bridging, my clam shells, my squats, and counter push-ups as I’m past wall and not up to floor yet. Here’s the whisper, psst, psst, try a plank, just try I bet you can. I’m now thinking to myself I’m at it again the crazy’s kicked in. I get back down on the floor and give it a go!! Well there I am for the first time in a year and a half doing a plank. Okay now don’t get too excited, ha ha just kidding yelled to the world if you wish. I got up off the floor with yoga mat in tow raised as fast as I was able yelling Kyle you have to see I did it, I did it. I don’t know if I can do it again, but I’m going to try. I was down on my mat in the middle of the living room. Saying “you’re not watching.” Kyle says “you’re not doing anything.” I say “well watch, because if I’m able to get up it will be up and down pretty fast I’m sure.” I did it, I did it again. I was able to hold it for a whole 2 seconds. 2 planks in one morning mere minutes apart. I tried a month ago and I was even able to lift my knees off the floor little own my entire body. I am so stoked, I’m not sure if you can hear my scream, but it is loud and joyous. I’m now off to get dressed to take my little dogs for a walk. I’m going to head up town as far as I’m able I have a big hill to master, but I’m going to go as far as I can. I will have my cell phone to call Carrie who has my car because of course I was in no shape to drive home last night or Kyle to pick us up. I’m actually going to head towards town and see if we are able to make it some of the way to Carrie’s place to pick up my car. I know I won’t make it because I do know my abilities, but I’m going to walk as far as I can before making a call. I will fill you all in later on how great I do. Until then, loving you all.
I am now home with my car. Kyle drove the dogs uptown. From where he dropped us off we walked 2.5 blocks to Carrie’s to pick up my car. I was a bit annoyed that no one wanted to let me do what I wanted. I continued to be a miffed for a while as all I wanted to was walk from the end of our drive as far as my body would take me, and then I’d call for a ride. No one else was on my page. I understand they don’t want me worn down to where I can’t take a step, because sadly that’s where I end up running on my own. Funny when I was leaving Carrie’s I was explaining to her why it’s not necessarily good for me to go out without back up. She was thinking I could start out go about half the way I thought I’d be able to go, turn and go back. This to a normal body makes sense to me that doesn’t work. I explained it like this. It’s the same as a gas tank on a car. The top quarter of the fuel tanks you way farther than the bottom quarter, but there both a quarter a tank. My body is the same the first part of my tank is great I go, and go, and go. My bottom quarter is depleted way faster. This is why no wandering off on my own.
I was pooped enough after all my activity that I napped from 4 until 5. It’s now 10 and I’m dosing off and being kicked into bed again already.
Love and hugs Fiona